Shots of people reacting badly to a
food or drink are a staple of photo albums. However, these contorted
faces are usually reserved to toddlers and mental invalids. So the
question in your mind now is: "What is Sean reacting so horribly
to?" That is easily answered, but the story behind this photo
answers a different question. That one is: "Why is he downing
such an abominable concoction in the first place?"
Two days prior to this photo, I got a
hankering for some apple cider. I went over to the City Café, got a
Styrofoam cupful and took a hearty swig before considering the temperature
of the beverage. It was like sucking on magma. I've never been
one for the overdone "spit take" so I swallowed the contents of
my mouth, turning my tongue and esophagus into scar tissue in the
process. The result was I completely eradicated my entire sense of
taste for almost two weeks.
After the accident, I got bored and
began ingesting strange foods in an effort to see how far gone my tongue's
abilities were. I drank a bottle of lemon juice, ate raw jalapeños,
drenched foods in hot sauces, etc. It was like I had become a
low-grade super villain. "Ha! You fools think you can poison
me? My damaged flavor receptors protect me from your culinary assassination
attempt!" Or maybe not.
Anyway, one night Sean and I grew
bored and tried to push my oral numbness to its limits. And yes, I
realize what a dirty inference that last sentence was. Potty mind.
We took a courtesy cup and decided to fill it with everything we could
find around the concession stand. The ingredients we ended up mixing
together are as follows: strawberry slushi, kiwi slushi, Sprite, Coke,
raspberry tea, coffee, sugar, salt, Cajun seasoning, mayonnaise, ketchup,
Sour Patch Kids, powdered creamer, popcorn, theatre butter and Kernel
Season's Southwest Cheddar topping.
I drank half of the cup no
problem. Even the nerves that trigger my gag reflex had been
scorched away. Sean was not so lucky. He retched once he
tasted the mixture and was on the brink of vomiting for several
minutes. I laughed. "Foolish mortal. You think your
taste buds can challenge the likes of mine. Bwa ha ha!"
Hmmm...no, that's still over the top.
Back
